I went and got my hair done today. It took almost four hours, but it was worth it. I don't know why it's so theraputic to me, but it is. Especially since this time I had to got through a lot of bleaching and processing to strip the color from my hair...somehow that whole process feels very cleansing and I love it, even if it does irritate my scalp. My hair is not damaged at all, hardly even dry, and it went through a lot of stuff today. My hairdresser was amazed and kept saying she hated me for having such good hair. I think my hair is the one thing about myself I am so proud of and like so much. Another girl that was in the shop commented, "You must be really healthy." and it really had an impact on me, what she said. I'm not sure whether it made me feel good or not yet, but it did make me think.

Anyway, it's platinum blonde now with two different shades of pink lowlights streaked through it. This was really important, I think. To drastically alter something about how I look right now during the holidays when the temptation to diet or restrict due to all the food situations I have to be around is definitely there. It gives me something else to take control of and gets my mind out of that box so I can look at the big picture. I think that's very crucial sometimes, to have a balance of living in the moment but also not getting to caught up to where you can't look beyond it. I don't know. I feel in a much better mood right now, even if I haven't really heard from him all day. I feel independent and, dare I say it, even a little pretty. 

Spencer's wedding is getting closer and closer and I'm getting nervous. I'm going to stand out so much. I'm not even invited to the actual wedding. I can't go in the temple, I'm not allowed. That really angers me and hurts my feelings even though I know he didn't make the rules. It makes me angry at him. 

I did have a little bit of a mess up yesterday after Thanksgiving dinner, but it could have been a lot worse. I'll got into it more later when I feel up to it. I just don't want to think about it too much right now, I know that's not very good but whatever. I'm in an okay mood and I just don't feel like dealing with it.