Huh.

My medical insurance no longer covers me seeing Scott who happens to be the first therapist I've ever had an okay relationship with. To continue seeing him would cost me $120 a week, at least. That's not including the gas that it takes to drive the fourty five minutes there and back to see him that we were already paying.

So that's it. I'll never see him again.
Life is kinda harsh. I wish I had had at least a warning before I last saw him, that's all.

The phone company shut off our phone service at the shop today, and my mom paid them to turn it back on. So now her bank account is over drawn yet again. So after spending all day scrambling trying to get it back in the black, they let her know it didn't matter...she was going to have to pay the charges anyway. So now we're gathering up all the scraps of aluminum that we can pull off our shed to take the the recycling place for some money. And tomorrow we're taking our sewing machine to the pawn shop because the flute is already gone. Hopefully she'll be able to buy it back once the student loans come in. It's too late for the flute, that's already gone.

And yet I say this while my nice cell phone goes off because of a text I'm getting with my nice unlimited text messaging plan, so what right do I have to complain anyway?

One of my favorite dancers and role models, Shamsi, is teaching a workshop in Baton Rouge that we're going to this weekend, and the only reason why we get to go is because we asked her to put a hold on charging us. And because she's such a sweet, understanding lady she'll let us pay a whole month late. It's so embarassing to ask people to do stuff like that. Like, our costumes came in for the show this week and we had to ask Ilea if she'd wait for us to pay her, too. I know it's not a big deal, and I guess it's because I'm spoiled that it's embarassing for me. I have a lot of pride and idependence when it comes to my family and our financial situation.
One day I'm going to make so much money and I'm going to pay for my mom's teeth and pay off all her debt and get us a nicer house and a new car. I don't know why those things should be so important, but they are.

I went out to eat with a friend today, and that was really fun. I did fantastic, and my feelings towards myself for eating so much are not too bad at all. Managable.

Everyone is going back to school tomorrow except for me. I feel like a failure most of the time.