My nerves are all on end today. I did my make up really nice and got dressed up in something cute and now I'm upset because I haven't been able to leave the house. I went outside and started to take a walk but everytime a car would pass I'd get so nervous that after about ten minutes I had to run back to my house and go inside.

I feel like my nice perfume and all my pep talks and everything went to waste today. I'm just going to wash it all off in an hour or two.
I was up all night last night listening to a song that I just kept putting on repeat.
I couldn't sleep because I couldn't stop having replays of what happened with Ben going on over and over and over in my head. I was so embarassed and upset that everytime I'd close my eyes they'd just snap back open and I'd want to go run and hide because I was so bothered by my thoughts.

Is it selfish to feel alone when you're really, really not? Not only do I have three close friends that have let me know I can come to them for anything, that I can honestly say that I trust, but there are a lot of other people I have...accquaitances who want to hang out and talk with me too. But I just feel so lonely and I like I have to get out of here. I want to go back to the hotel room and hide in there.

I feel like this house is suffocating me and I have to get out, but I'm terrified to.