I did not keep my lunch down today, and I went to the hafla on very little sleep, and we performed our choreography and I almost fainted. I was so angry at myself, my eating habits got in the way of my passion about dancing. I'm just so disgusted with me right now. I'm the barf girl, you know? I'm scared because I feel like it's never going to go away no matter how hard I try, and I just feel so disappointed and depressed about it.
And I have to see Ben tomorrow, and I have to say goodbye to Rachael soon. And Claire just wrote me tonight and told me goodbye and to have a nice life, and she doesn't even realize how important she is to me, and she's leaving our friendship because I keep things from her and my unhealthiness is unhealthy for her too, and she can't let me hold her down. And what's worse is that I can't get angry or blame her for that, she's right.
And school. And I don't know what to do about anything. I feel like everything is falling apart, and I just don't know what to do.
But Ceslie tried to call me and I'm so upset that I missed her call, but I'm so relieved, very relieved, that she seems to be okay and safe.

I don't know what to do about anything else anymore, I'm sorry if I'm being a downer.