I'm always saying that what scares me to the most is to become "fat". I always tell myself that if I eat, I will get fat. And I also tell myself this:
If I get fat, no one will like me.
If I get fat, no one will date me.
If I get fat, no one will love me.
If I get fat, I will be worthless.
If I get fat, I will be jobless.
If I get fat, I won't be beautiful.
If I get fat, people will judge me.
If I get fat, my life will be over.

And yet...none of that is true. And I know it.

So what is it that I'm really afraid of? I say I want to be thin, I am. My doctor, my friends, my family...they all say I am. Logic says I am thin. So what is it I really want to be if my want remains insatiable?

What buried fears lie behind the veils of words "fat" "thin" and "weight"? I want to know and at the same time, I don't.