Enough feeling sorry for myself! Haha, I need to move on and live life. So college decisions coming up. I can't decide whether I would rather major in Performing Arts or Photography. It's my dream more than anything to act, and it's on stage or in front of a camera that I feel most at home, being someone else. But I have this passion for taking pictures like no other too. More for fun than proffessionally, but I still love it and wouldn't mind taking it to the next level. I don't know yet.

So it's thanks to the kittens that I'm still a sane person. I've considered losing it completely so many times today (yes, missed class again) and just giving up and going away. But then who's going to feed the kittens? They're defenseless and they're hungry and need to be taken care of. So every two hours they serve as this little reminder to me that I'm not the only one who gets affected by my actions.

I think I may be ready to face my teachers and classmates tomorrow. The belly dancing outfits for our shop came in today, I'm really excited about that. I know I must have a million tests tomorrow so I need to study and exercise tonight.

I haven't purged at all today! I've been having just liquids so far today though but still...I just want something that's easy to handle. Mostly I've only had diet soda today, but I did drink like 3/4 of a slimfast shake today too. My mom keeps buying me vitamins and stuff because she's worried.

Last night she asked me what I thought about another visit to the hospital, I said I honestly didn't know. I don't know how that would help, I don't know how it would hurt. I'm basically at a point where it's getting hard to function normally from day to day. I took my Prozac today and everything seems okay. No panic attacks today so far. So far so good.

I'm really in love with the song "Milkdrunk" by Halou right now, I don't know...it seems to embody my issues right now for some unknown reason, it calms me down a bit.

I'm going to (I hope) up my calorie intake in the next couple of days to 500. I don't know how that's going to go over but I figure my body could use it, now I just have to convince my mind too.