Just finished purging, it was terrible and my throat hurts and my head hurts and my chest hurts and the floor is moving. Yesterday I woke up to my little sister sobbing, my mom at her bedside trying to calm her down. At first I thought she was sick or something but then I heard her say something about being afraid for me. "She's worried about you," my mom said later, accusingly.

I'm in this rut. My mom is convinced that I'm being a brat about my situation and that if I could just get over it and try I'd be fine. So I'm sitting here wanting to die, wanting to live, wanting to not feel this hurt of want anymore. I'm tired of being such a needy, stupid person. I feel alone and I want to be left alone. For the first time in forever I'm glad that no one understands. I just want to disappear, I'm so down on myself. I just want to go away.

My Prozac dosage has been doubled again. Woope. I want it to work but I feel like it won't. I don't want to think about tomorrow, I don't want to think about food or my friends whose calls I have to ignore right now so I don't break down and let them find out that I'm really not okay. I'm failing my classes. I have nothing because I've ruined everything for myself.