Dealt with a lot of guilty feelings today. I guess I ate normally, I don't know. I ate a lot at lunch time so yeah. Last night I was debating the whole suicide issue, it didn't take much to talk myself out of it though. The only thing is, the main thing that caused me to wait, give life time, was the prospect of losing weight still. I've maintained my weight for almost a week now. I guess that should  be something to be proud of. So why do I feel so sad?

In theatre we're supposed to write a speech and make a collage about who we are. Who am I? Who am I? I don't know, it's due tomorrow and I haven't even started, I guess I should get working on that. I guess that scares me, looking at myself, wondering who I am. That is a frightening prospect when all you've become is a disease, a self destructive force.

We found kittens under our house, barely two weeks old and abondoned. As I hold them in my hands I feel this unconsolable sadness because they are alive and they stayed alive. Through the rainstorms these past few days, through losing their mother, they stayed alive and made it. I wonder if they deserve it more than I.