I went and got my hair done, drastic difference from how it used to be. I was so happy because I felt like I looked good. And I went home and grabbed a handful of crackers without even thinking about it and ate them. It wasn't until later that I realized what I had done, I didn't even look at the nutrition label. I didn't even think about eating. I had been hungry, and I had let myself eat because I was feeling good and confident, I guess. That's what normal people do, right? They eat a handful of crackers without thinking about it, right? It was just amazing, I haven't done that in such a long time.

I got confronted by my friends about 'how thin' I am. See, I guess I kind of got back home and freaked out because I felt so out of control and huge and bad about myself for the crackers I ate. I binged and then purged last night. I am exhausted today, but I ate breakfast and didn't purge this time. I don't feel good. I don't feel happy, just chill.

I haven't been following my dietitian's rules, I feel bad but also like I have to "protect" myself, which is retarded because it's me I need protecting from.