God, I couldn't help it. I just felt like I couldn't breathe and I felt alone and stupid and I binged and then purged it all back up into the kitchen sink, as if my throat didn't hurt enough already. I just felt like I had to. It's getting bad again...the purging. It's been every day for a week or so.

Anyway, my mom got home and was doing the dishes and she called me to come in and I got all nervous like maybe she somehow could smell it even though I tried to wash the barf down well. She just looked at me with no emotion on her face and said, "if you're going to throw up in the kitchen sink, please do a better job of covering it up, Amy." And she went back to doing the dishes. I am so mortified and I feel so stupid. I feel like a little kid and like I have no control. I feel so weak and stupid and alone right now. And more importantly, I feel fat. I want to just fast so bad but I know it will only lead to more binging and purging and I don't know what to do.

I just wish I would have gotten to see that stupid specialist lady today, as if she would be able to do anything.