When I went to the doctor's today, the nurses were all concerned because I've lost fifteen pounds since my last appoitment which was a month or two ago. I guess since they knew I was going to see a specialist they didn't push the subject. But it bothered me because the nurses who are always so nice to me and carry conversations with me just looked at me crictically and wouldn't smile back or treat me like they used to. It upsets me  because I want them to see past whatever it is their judging me for, which I guess is my weight loss.

I think that my binge earlier today was brought on by feeling worried and helpless and maybe even a little abandoned about my specialist cancelling on me. All the anxiety about it just exploded and I ran to the nilla wafers and cereal and chips and soda and beef jerky for comfort. And, unfortunately ( or...maybe fortunately) I got caught. Lesson learned, sorta.

Anyway, my throat is still killing me, I'm missing school again tomorrow. Hurrah. I'm going to have so much make-up work. My mom and I went to the store today and I bought a lot of groceries (fruits, brown rice, veggies and such) because I'm going to try a new structrured "diet" that's low cal but hopefully healthy. I want to lose weight so bad but I want to live, you know? I'm tired of this controlling me, but sometimes I just want to surrender into it. Anyway, I'm exhausted, so I'll get back to you guys tomorrow.