Turns out I didn't lose my period again that I had worked so hard to get back...it was just late and I was jumping to conclusions. Sorry for the details, but I was so happy to realize in the middle of Civics that I was bleeding. I wanted to announce it to the whole class "MY PMS IS HERE!!"

I know that the theory about anorectics is that they resent puberty and periods and transforming into a woman. But I LOVE my period. I embrace the terrible cramps I'm having right now, to me it's heaven. It's like initiation into being a normal woman. It's something natural and normal that my body is actually supposed to be doing. It's great, I feel like I've done something right in my life when I get my period.

This is interesting to me because I usually try so hard not to fit in in almost all aspects of my life, I mean I freaking hide my eating issues from people not because I don't want them to stop me but because I don't want them to know because I feel like it would be cliche and predictable to have an eating disorder! But I think somewhere deep inside the little girl in me wants to feel safe and like she belongs. And that's okay with me, for now.

I was just thinking about it...I say that getting my period makes me happy because it's something normal that my body is doing and it makes me feel safe. Well, it's normal and naturally for me to be hungry too...so why am I so terrified of it?