False alarm on that last post.
I'm okay, I'll be okay.
I just feel really bad, but I don't give up.

Just not doing well.

I can't deal with this anymore. I'm sure anyone would know what I mean when I say I feel I can't do it anymore.
I've done so well and put up all really good fight. I've tried so hard and I feel like I can't even move anymore.
It just hurts too much mentally and physically.
I can't manage to eat anymore. I can't keep lying to myself and making excuses for people in my life. I can't keep picking myself back up like this. And I can't keep telling myself positive things everytime I get hurt. It hurts too much. It hurts too much and I'm not strong enough to do this on my own.
I'm tired of being thrown down, dusting myself off, and getting back up. It's too much this time and I just want to lie down. I don't want to stand up anymore.

I just don't feel like lying to myself anymore that it's okay. It's not okay.
I'm tired of force feeding myself. I'm tired of getting hurt so much and I feel like I have nothing to grab onto right now but this. I feel so hurt and afraid of myself and so angry. And I want to feel safe again. And I just want to make the hurting go away.
I have to have some relief.

I feel so empty and I just want to make myself disappear.


"Thirty licks with a belt; same old tricks on myself.
And I wonder: Does everyone else live this way?
A succession of tests, a triumphant success,
Each time, I'm still in-tact, at the end of the day.

It's no mystery: you should obviously go,
Before I break everything.
You’re always telling me that you're dying to know;
But you’re not really listening.

My personal demons can scheme with professional care...
Oh, god, they're after me
If I could shut them out just for a second,
I swear
I could stop this catastrophe.

Now all the demons are screaming, their wages aren't fair.
I've left a secret kept.
If I could shut them up just for a second, I swear
It’ll look like an accident."