I hope everyone is doing okay. I went to the shop today and spent a long time working on the bellydancing choreography we're performing in May. I have to say, it's been a long hard road working together with so many personalities to create one interpretion of a song to represent us as a group...but it's really pulling off. It's going to be really cool when we've mastered it.

Wow, I feel like I'm being pulled from all directions right now and I'm going to like snap in half.
It's been really hard to do the right thing lately. Chris said to be today something that he was yelling at me about, but it actually hit me funnily, he said, "You have all these problems because you don't express yourself emotionally." And I got all angry and told him I do too express myself emotionally, I dance and I talk all the time about what I think and stuff. And then he told me exactly, that I'm always talking about what I think and my opinion on situations in my life, and the logic about them, but I never get into deeply about how I feel until it's all too much to feel and I break down.

I think a lot, a lot of people do this, but it's true, maybe. I think I need to express how I feel better. Right now I think that I'm craving attention because I'm doing stupid things in secret and hoping that someone will somehow see through it all and stop me and save me and it will all be just fine and dandy.

But when it comes down to it, that doesn't sound so satisfying...being saved and understood. I'd rather save myself. Or at least make a difference for myself. I think I'm the only person who can make me happy, which is funny because I'm very good at doing just the opposite of that.