I feel all of myself, every pore and I feel out of place and uncomfortable right now. I'm sure you know what I mean, when your body doesn't feel like it's yours.
I went to Zeus night last night and it was great but it really left me thinking at the end of it. It really made me think about what makes me happy and what makes me feel things. Or who or why.

It would be safe to say that right now I'm not feeling very well. I've got my own seperate journal from this, and then there's my myspace blog. I don't feel safe in any of them right now. I don't feel safe anywhere. Even when I'm by myself I get afraid of being alone.

I'm just really tired. I'm really tired and bored and just...I'm really tired of doing all of this. Don't get me wrong, I will. I'll pick myself up and keep trying. But I'm still tired anyway.
I'm a very fortunate person so I know not to take anything for granted. I'll never let myself wallow in this mess because I know that I'm lucky and I'm very grateful. And I just feel like right now I can't afford to be sad.

I get angry and tired of myself. I'm so tired of yelling at myself, I'm tired of not being able to do anything right. It's never good enough and I wish I would just shut up and let myself live.

I know it doesn't matter and that I have people to talk to so I don't know what else to say. What can I say? I'm miserable and it's my fault. I can fix it and run to anyone I want right now. I could. But I'm so tired.

At least I'm still eating, even though that doesn't help much with my demented self esteem right now.