I'm not sure if the comment I left you worked. So I just wanted you to know that what you said was inspiring to me, and made me know that I'm not alone. I don't know how to explain how helpful it was for me to just have someone tell me they understand and that it's okay for me to feel the things I do. So thank you, truly.

I just also wanted to thank everyone else on here for trying. I think we're all really doing something good by being on this site and representing a group that is at least trying to recover. It makes me feel hopeful for the future, that we can do anything we set our minds on.

When your favorite pair of jeans stop fitting, it can be really disappointing. I'm still wearing them, unzipped and unbuttoned and all tight on me...I just want to keep them on for a little while and then I'll put them in the box of clothes to donate. It's funny but I feel the need to almost mourn the loss of these pants that I used to starve myself to fit into. Now I can barely pull them over my thighs and hips.

My brother left back to Colorado and it was a really sad experience. Not because I'd miss like crazy, and it's not like I won't see him in too long...but it was hard to see him cry. It's hard to see people cry, period. I always feel stupid that I don't cry too...I just never think to, I guess.

I've been listening to "Field Below" by Regina Spektor all day today. I don't know why, but that's always been another song that helps me through my eating disorder.

I feel like I'm going through this almost...mourning period. Which some have said is expected when you let go of eating disorded habits. But it's lasting longer and proving to be more painful than I thought. These past few days have been confusing as far as eating goes. I'm getting to the point where I want someone else to force me to eat and take care of myself. But I know no one will so I'm doing it for myself, but it's very hard. I know that sounds silly, but it's true. I feel like a child.