You guys, we have to step up. Someone once said that when we see something going on in the world that we don't like, we have to remember that we are all interconnected (whatever your religion is or isn't) and that we are a part of even the things in the world that we don't like or agree with. I'm totally against all of the girls and boys who learn to hate their natural selves every day in our society. We play a role in that, we are an example.
When you look back on yourself in five years, are you going to say "I was doing this and that and this is how I was prodcuctive and this is what I was giving back." or are you going to basically say "I had an eating disorder." and let that be the defining part of your life? Your identity.
Who are you? Stripped of fat and thin and food and apperance, who are you under all of that?
My therapist was telling me that I have a problem of being so terrified of relapse or messing up that I block out all unhealthy thoughts or triggers for fear of falling back...so it gets bottled up when I ignore it. And when a tank gets full, it overspills. So I'm not telling you to just altogether stop feeling self concious, to just turn a completely new page in life. But I pretty much am at the same time because if you do it any other way, I sometimes think it won't work.
What I mean is, acknowledge that stage of your life, pay attention to the unhealthy thoughts along with the good ones, just don't let them drag you down. It's all about keeping that balance, in my personal experience.
I'm seeing every day more posts that hurt my heart about weight and about what you've eaten and stuff. And it's great that you have somewhere to get out all those feelings and concerns at, it really is. But it's also time to let yourself live. Give yourself a break. Get in front of the mirror and look into your eyes, just keep looking at them and you'll be suprised at how much hurt, happiness, emotion...life that you will find in them. Look at all you've been through, you deserve to really live now. The people around you deserve it, too.
You can't say that when you feel better about yourself you'll start getting into more hobbies and you'll start being healthy. You'll never feel ready, at least I never have. Because that unhealthy part of you doesn't want to let go. So pay attention to it, and then move on. You don't have to do this anymore. I'm giving you permission to start living.
And I'm saying all of this to myself. We really deserve it.
Let's start something, let's get the ball rolling. I know personally I wouldn't have ever wished my eating disorder on someone else. But the only way we can make certain that the next generation doesn't go through what we are is to start being the change we want to see in the world.
I promise you're not alone, you guys have shown me that I'm not.
