I got back from New Orleans from the Tribal:Pura workshop with Fat Chance Bellydance (idols!) so exhausted and happy. I'll go into that a lot more when I'm not so tired and tied down with stuff to do...like trying to sleep. haha.

Anyway, it's been an OK past two days as far as eating goes. I'm having some major self esteem issues. I really need to hang out with some people who are viligant in eating healthy and who are in love with their bodies because I'm feeling really...ugly right now and sad.

You know what I was thinking about? Thin Glutton had posted an entry about how in recovery from our eating disorders, we go through a mourning period when we face the loss of something that was very important to us and used to be well, our lives basically. So, let's face it. I do miss getting on the scale to see if the number went down. I do miss feeling so certain and in control. I miss feeling like I was so amazing for losing weight. I miss a lot of that, I do. So kill me. Well...please, don't, not really.

But I think about it and I realize that I forget a lot about what was going on half a year ago or so. I was so alienated from my friends. I had no energy to do anything. I looked like a trainwreck. I was dying. My hair was falling out. I would cry myself to sleep every night without fail. I felt so alone and ugly all the time. Eating (which yes, you eventually give in and do, I always did) sent me into a self hating, suicidal frenzy. Which is a pretty miserable existance.

I don't miss any of that. And that's one of the things that keeps me in check.

Maybe it would be a good idea to focus on that, and how much I am capable of doing now. How much I missed about being healthy back then, too, that I have now.

What are some of the things you don't/or won't miss about your eating disorder?