Today has not been the best day for eating. I am in a lot of pain right now. This week my stomach has been killing me. I don't know why but I hurt so much. I've had some problems with eating today, it's been a toughie for me. I had lunch (subway) and right now the thought of eating is making me feel physically sick.

 I'm really stressed out. Ben keeps texting me about how we need to hang out. Well...not hang out, about how we need to have sex. Thinking about his girlfriend makes me want to throw up, thinking about food makes me want to throw up. I just feel really physically terrible right now. Mentally I'm okay, I feel like things are looking up. But I just hurt all over right now.

So I went to the Hafla (party for belly dancers) last night and it was sooooo fun. I was very happy. We danced till midnight and then we finally called it a night. I was really happy and I'm trying to focus on that feeling...the happiness and strong emotion that has nothing to do with weight, food or eating. I'm holding onto my thoughts last night, my confidence last night and using it to undermind the few things that were a bit triggering/upsetting. It seemed like none of my friends except Stacey really ate anything. Ceslie looked grossly thin and that was like ouch to me. But I'll get over it eventually someday.

Anyway, we had a blast. I had a blast at least. I want to do this the rest of my life.