Today I declared war on myself. I prepared both armies for battle, and burnt all the peace treaties. Today I said no to the nagging, and I said no to the way he may or may not make me feel. And you know what? I was there all strapped up in armour, ready to put up my bravest fight...and he didn't even show up. I looked so stupid.

Maybe I'm lying to myself, tricking myself so that I'll do it and get it over with. I keep telling myself ...you want it now, you think you care about him, but as soon as you get him out of your life you'll see...you never cared at all. I hope I am right.

I was having a conversation on the phone with my best friend. A few days back we had talked about how trivial and unaccurate clothing sizes are - especially in the US. And she off handedly mentioned that she's normally a size 7, but just recently fit into a certain brand's size 1. The kettle inside began to screech and I saw stars and suddenly the tears that haven't been able to come for days appeared. I tried to be calm but she sensed something was wrong. I walked over to the scale that I hadn't seen or used for over two months. I held my breath and stepped on.

Twenty five pounds since my journey for health began. Twenty five reasons to keep going, twenty five more to give up.

I broke down, and now I am feverishly picking up pieces that seem to be beyond repair, but I can't bring myself to throw them away. I've never been able to get rid of anything anyone's given me after all. And this isn't just anyone. It's her and me. Us.