We had a really nice time. He treated me like a gentleman would. And it confused me. I don't think any guy has ever done that. I kept wanting him to make that face that all of them usually do and take advantage of me. I kept hoping he would just get it over with and hurt me. And he didn't. It...confused me. In a sick way, it worried me. I wanted to be used because it makes me feel usless, which somehow makes me happy. I'm so used to...someone just taking me and using my body like they want. And it confused me and hurt me, he was being nice and polite and I just wanted him to screw me over so that I could hate him. But I can't, he was so nice. So I went home and bawled in happiness and confusion and hurt. I couldn't stop crying, because it was so traumatizing...being treated right by a dude. Haha, I think that's sick. I mean, I was so suprised. We pulled out into an empty parking lot and I thought, "here it comes..." and instead we watched the stars and talked. And I spilled too much of what I was thinking. And it's embarassing.

And he kissed me. And that was it. That was it, he just wanted to sit with me. And it was so amazing and so painful. I just don't get it. I don't get why he didn't try anything, that's what he was supposed to do. Haha, that sounds so stupid, but it's what I was thinking.