I took my new (doubled in dosage again) meds and crashed. I didn't get up til four in the AFTERNOON. So of course I missed school and a test. I made it to work - late. I feel stragely numb about everything. I feel nothing. This medicine makes me feel nothing, and it's miserable. I feel like I need a vacation, away from everything. But I just got of vacation! I guess what I really need is a vacation from myself.

You know, it's been so hard to have any kind of relationship with anyone these past few weeks. I'm completey consumed in either staying healthy or losing weight or not losing weight. Consumed. And the ones around me don't understand that. They take it as a personal attack, and you know...I'm trying to do this balancing act of keeping everyone around me happy, but the truth is, I would like to be left alone to figure this out. It seems like my friends watch every move I make, and if they don't like one little thing, they blow up and freak out and accuse me of stuff. It's not really fair, because I never do that to any of them. I let them to what they need to, what makes them safe and happy....but for some reason everyone rests the job of keeping everything in tact and perfect on me...as if I'm super human and it's my job to keep it all in one piece. I'm just human, barely.