Your post hit me like a lightning bolt. Sometimes I forget anyone is even reading my posts and I get so caught up in myself that I forget that I'm not the only one going through this. It makes me feel so...alive to be told that I'm recovering. I really needed to hear that from someone other than myself. And I'd have to say, with all my heart, that you're recovering too. Especially since you can say all of those wise things. Even through all the self hate and that confusion, there is one thing that is constant and worthwhile in front of us like a light, and that is life and recovery and living.

See, I had a bit of trouble after my last few days after my last post. I began to fall back into the purging cycle and I got very weak for a few days. I got caught up in this depression that was pulling me in, and soon all I could think about was what I failure I was. A failure at getting better, at being thin, at living, at being a good friend. I had belly dancing class last night and I went out for pizza with my best friend. And something in me sparked, a real thing called happiness that I haven't felt in a long, long time. Real happiness, that had nothing to do with a number on the scale of a skipped meal. That was a miracle. I had two slices of pizza. Two. And I didn't throw them up. I kept something down for the first time in three days, and I felt so much better. Not worse, like I had been telling myself I would if I let myself eat.

Anyway, the point of this is that it didn't end perfectly. I got really depressed in the middle of the night after waking up over a bad dream. It was a rough night, but I pulled through and here I am. And I got up this morning and read Through the Looking Glass's post and I feel so much better. SO thank you. And here's to today, and all of the days that will follow.