I've spent years fighting to discover the key to getting better, the secret cure to all of this. I realized last night that there is none. Not for me. See, I will always have an eating disorder, but I've got to not work on eliminating it...but I need to work on filling my life with things that I find more important than it. Belly dancing has literally saved my life, it's something I've found myself more commited to than my eating disorder. My friends, I'm slowly becoming more committed to them than my eating disorder. Acting. Roller coasters. The taste of Hot Chocolate. It's all coming back to me so slowly that it's tauntingly painful. I can taste life and it's just within my grasp. I feel like I'm being born again but only if I want to be. And some nights, I don't. Like last night, I wanted to die. But the point is that I didn't. And I had a banana and some cereal this morning and I'm about to go dance. I still have an eating disorder but it doesn't have me.