It hurts more to think about it. I don't want to think about which is why I can't get better because I refuse to face what's happened.

I don't ever want to have children.

Bellydancing is so much fun, I'm having a great time.

I can't stop exercising.

I've gained weight.

I miss my friends, but I'm terrified to see them again.

I don't know, I don't know...I'm freaking out. It's crazy. I wanna get out of here.

I think I may have ruptured my espophegus. I'm not sure, but it hurts like hell from my chest to my throat and I can barely eat without searing pain.

I'm going out today, and my mom is making me feel like I'm terrible. She told me how her date last night was horrible because I made her so depressed last night. Last night I binged and purged everything because I felt so terrible and for some reason I thought that would help. Wrong. Haha, anyway, folks, my chest feels worse than ever and now I know I shouldn't have done that. Thanks to that I gained a pound, and I shouldn't even be using the scale anymore, but it's so hard.

I gotta go, mom's coming.