Yes, they do. That's what countless therapists and doctors have told me and I'm just finding it so hard to believe. I'm back on a roller coaster of emotion, I feel unsettled and unsure and even a little manic about things. I'm back on this thing where I want everything at extremes. White and black. That's so unhealthy.

I can't get the conflicting voices in my head to shut up for even a minute. I feel powerless to them, yeah.... Me and Ned had a mini conversation about me taking diet pills and about how it upsets him because I'm going to die. I said, "You wanna know something? You wouldn't care if I died." I looked him straight in the eye and I said it like I...wanted to make it hurt. I hope I didn't mean it. But after a while he said, "I'd care if anyone died!" So nice to know.

You know, he and Ceslie are the only people I love right now. Is there a logical reason in this world why or why not?

I stopped taking my new meds but I think I should go back on them, it's screwing with my head, man. I can't handle it and I don't know...feels like I'm miserable with and without it. Either way, diet pills every day, and it scares me.

In lighter news, the paycheck is coming and I had two apples and a bowl of cereal today so I ate something and I don't know...no purging yet.

Jeez, I really need someone to take to right now, I wish that someone could love this.