I feel so inspired to be something more than I am right now. Have you ever felt so fed up with yourself...so...contained within the shell that is you that you just want to explode out of yourself and do something worthwhile, world changing? That's just how I feel right now and it's unbearable.

As the depression sets in I realize I've been neglecting my friends very much. I'm trying so hard to put on the it's okay act and to get my work done and to just live like normal. But I ache and I'm exhausted from life and from myself. I keep hoping that if I hold out long enough, I can get through this, I can get better if I hold out, if I'm strong enough...then someday I can start living and practicing what I preach. But it's slowly setting in that I'm probably wrong. I can't do it on my own.

I don't know exactly what I do or where I go from here. What's supposed to happen to me? Is my own weakness holding me back or is it my mind? My emotions? The chemicals inside me? The prozac isn't helping, sometimes I get paranoid and think it's making it worse. Is it my fault it's not working?

So many questions and I just don't know. I'm so anxious to get out there and life and do something. But I feel so weary of it, so tired of it. Life. Will I wake up tomorrow and find I'm okay? Or will this nightmare never end?