Didn't have breakfast or lunch today, so of course I came home, stuffed my face and then purged everything. I am really dizzy right now, but other than that I feel okay. I'm about to go out with a friend for coffee. I'm torn, I want someone to be with me and help me feel normal. But at the same time, I want someone to grab my shoulders and tell me that everything is not okay or normal and that I need help.

I don't really know. I'm going to exercise tonight even though I feel like crap because if I don't I feel like I'll be setting myself up for a panic attack. I would be having a session with my therapist tomorrow but my mom cancelled that after okaying it with me. No more therapist or dietician. Whatever.

I had this strange feeling this morning that everything would be okay and that I was normal and it would all work out. It's been shattered but I can't help but wonder how I can get that feeling back.