I'm about to leave to go to my appoitment, yes that dreaded one. Haha, it probably won't even be a big deal or worth all the anxiety I put myself through. Anyway, I forgot to mention that I binged and purged again last night. Which really sucked, and I think my mom noticed (yet again) and didn't say anything. I really got very depressed last night for no apparent reason.

Anyway, I'm going to do my best today, and I'll let you cool cats know how it went later, I guess.

So all the things I said I was 'losing' last night I'm busy getting back. My life was just a total wreck last night but I just recontacted everyone I've been ignoring, I took a shower which I'd been putting off (eeew, I know), I took care of my hair and myself, I ate breakfast (which I purged a bit but not all of), and I'm dressed nice and I'm ready for the world again. I just feel renewed. I'm glad I didn't do anything stupid last night because I would have missed out on this feeling of a new chance. Every day really is a new chance, I know it sounds cheesy, but it's true, isn't it?

And you know what, I miss my friends. At first I didn't, I wanted to be rid of them and the guilty feeling they gave me when I hurt myself. See, I hated them for making me care because caring made me feel weak, attatched, and it kept me from harming myself even more because I cared. But I owe them my life and now I owe them an apology. So I'm about to go do that but I thought I'd just update to let you all know that I'm still alive, I'm still screwed in the head and sick, but I'm still alive.