I feel a lot better now that my mom got some food into me. At first I started having a panic attack, but I've calmed down and the two hundred cals have done me good. Mother is on a date now that I'm feeling better, and my little sister is in the family room watching TV.

I'm not sure if it was like a twenty four hour flu bug or that I hadn't eaten anything since almost two days ago. I guess I did have a bit of a relapse, which scares me because it was as if I was completely under my eating disorder's control again, I don't know...if I hadn't become so physically sick, I think I'd still be at it.

Anyway, the nausea is gone for now, I still feel extremely weak, my head hurts, but not as bad as it did earlier. I've goten a few more hours of sleep and some food in my belly: two apples, handful of baby carrots, saltine crackers, and a slice of toast...all stuff I thought my stomach could handle.

A lot of people are trying to get in touch with me right now, I feel bad but I just can't talk right now. It wouldn't be worth it, I'm like a breathing corpse, a zombie at this point.

I'm mad that I wasted my Saturday with this, but it's okay, I'll just try to do better. That's all I ever can do.

I feel so weak and terrible. My stomach is killing me like it never has before. I've lost two pounds since yesterday. None of my clothes are fitting right, and I can't deny it any longer. Yes, I am dealing with a relapse. It hasn't been going on too long, I don't think.

I woke up and felt like a bean bag, heavy and limp. And I could barely walk or get the room to stop spinning. I got a glass of water. Tried to get online for a bit. But I eventually got off and fell into bed. My mom seemed so angry. She kept saying, "Your body is rebelling against you, it has to eat!" She was trying to get me to eat a piece of bread, I just hurt so bad. I kept screaming at her that I wouldn't. It felt like I was back in the hospital and people were force feeding me.

I thought I was dying and my stomach hurt so bad I threw up, all that came out was stomach acid, green bile. My throat is on fire and I'm having a hard time keeping my head up right now. I'm angry at myself. I want so badly to get up and go somewhere. I want to go on a walk, to get out of the house. But I can barely lift up my arm. It took me an hour to convince myself to get out of bed and type this.

My mom is at the store getting me apples. I'm so scared, and I don't know why. I just really needed to post something because I need to talk to someone. I just feel like I have nowhere to go, and I hate that. I hate being out of control, and I hate how this is happening.