I'm visiting my grandparents in Arizona and I won't be getting back until Wednesday, so I probably won't have any new posts until then unless some miracle occurs and I get a hold of a computer. I am nervous and excited about the trip, I don't know whether it's a good or bad thing. I'm hoping it will be good, even though I don't even know what good is anymore, haha.

So, I suppose I will catch up with you guys later. Stay strong, keep up your fight, and wish me good luck.

It's laughable that a few handfulls of popcorn is sending me into a huge spiral of anxiety. I haven't had anything all day, it's almost five p.m. And the fact is, so few calories will only make me lose more likely than it will make me gain. And yet...I have actually made myself so sick that I find that hard to believe. I feel that I am the one acception to the scientific facts, I'm the one who can't eat, I'm the only one who has to do this to lose weight, and that I must lose weight. I really have made myself believe all this. People seem to be worried. My mom is following me to the bathroom, talking to me while I pee to make sure I don't throw up the popcorn. She could read through my eyes and could see how it was making me freak out.

I find this utterly pathetic. Anyway, I wanted to just get that off my chest. I'm going on a walk with my friend, and then I have to pack.

The first day of school was good...except I zoned out during a pre-test and started thinking about dieting, and our time was almost up and I was only half way through. So yeah, today was better than yesterday. I have to take it one enormous, painful second at a time.