Perhaps this is my silver lining in the grey colored cloud, hm? Today has actually been not so bad. I've been really tired. But I've only had ONE (count it, one) caffine/diet pill today! I've also let myself eat, guilt free. I mean, it's only been apples and carrots, but it was guilt free...I didn't bother to exercise or anything either. I even went to a movie with my family and shopping. I feel a lot better now that I know I can do something about my life. I think I can do this.

I bought myself a Lean Cuisine dinner, making a blatant attempt at showing my mom I was eating tonight. It's eleven at night...and I might even eat it. I'm thinking about it, and I think if I can relax and not over think it, and just try...eating. And relaxing and stuff, then I can do it.

My period is still acting weird, but at least I have it back! I'm a real woman. And shame on those who make me feel like I'm not. And shame on me for making myself feel I'm not! Anyway, I'm in a better mood and my stomach hurts because I AM HUNGRY. Yes, that's right. And I may even do something about it. Not binge. Not cry. Not ignore it. I may have something to eat, and be a normal, healthy person about this. That's who I wish I could be. Someday maybe I will be.