I feel so proud of myself. I feel like I've finally taken some sort of a step towards recovery. I am scared but I feel so liberated already. Today I've been so nervous. I ended up posting on my blog (my public, real life one that my friends have access to) a lot of personal stuff and basically said that I had a problem and hopefully, maybe am trying to get over it.

I didn't expect the supportive, loving, understanding comments I got from my friends. I can't explain how good it feels to have people tell you they support you. I don't feel, for the first time in my life, like I have to hide as much. I just feel better. I feel a tiny bit less trapped within myself. And it's amazing. This is definitely what you could call another major "blink" in my fight.

Of course, nothing's perfect.

Today has not been so good. Mostly, I've had just water and a few more caffine pills than I probably should have.

I ended up making myself eat an apple. It's gross but I immediately got the runs as if my body was rejecting the food which worries me. I haven't weighed myself today though, which is huge progress.

I don't know, I feel like I'm less afraid because now people are aware and I know it's going to be hard and people are going to be just as unsupportive as the other ones have been awesome. So I know that the worst may still be ahead.

Ugh, my stomach is killing me at the moment, I can't tell if it's cramps from the runs or hunger pains or both...I'm afraid to eat anything right now but I may have an egg of something in an hour or so if my stomach calms down.

I know for a fact that just because I am more open now does not mean that things will be a cakewalk. I still want to lose weight. But at least it's not this huge secret that's destroying me and is kept silent. I think the hardest part is admitting that something is wrong, and I admit it: I HAVE A PROBLEM.

Saying that in itself, is a beautiful thing to do. To say it and know it. Because it takes a problem to have recovery, and there is hope.

Now I just have to FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT.

If you're feeling alone in your fight for recovery, know that you are not.