I feel terrible. Awful. My one friend who's on vacation right now in the gulf called me. We had this huge argument about medication and I felt personally attacked so I hung up on her. She called me back, and long story short, I freaked out.

I broke down out of nowhere. It must have scared her because it was out of the blue. I guess I have a problem with keeping my emotions pent up and shutting them out with my eating disorder. So I just...blew up, I guess. I was bawling crying and saying random nonsense.

What shocks me the most is that out of nowhere without thinking about it, I cried, "And I'm so, so hungry!" and just started sobbing like a three year old who dropped her ice cream cone. Now, if you know me, this is a big deal. I do not like to cry in front of people. I do not like to cry period. I cry when I can't not cry anymore. End of discussion.

I guess I seemed like a psycho. She told me she loved me and I calmed down and just suddenly started freaking out again and begged her to forget all of what I just said and told her I didn't mean it and I was just tired. I guess today was more stressful than I thought.

She made me promise everything would be okay, that I was all right, before we hung up. I promised.

I don't know.

I don't want to face tomorrow, and I'm really tired. But I will anyway, 'cause I can't control this anymore.